Hello lovelies, It's Spencer here.
I have hajacked the blog today; because my poor writer is a bit distraught.
She is an overemotional creature, and takes all her readers' opinions extremely seriously. Almost too seriously if you ask me, but hell... Who the hell asks me? She asked you all who i should dabble with (not that I mind Angel; she is my sweet salvation, but i dissemble), instead of asking me! She gave Edward to Bella, because she felt from her reviews that it was what the readers wanted, even thought it was not her original intention (probably shouldn't have let that cat out of the bag... here kitty kitty, ha!). She is sweet, no? She tries to accomodate everyone, which puts a monkeywrench in her plot sometimes.
~Cracks neck muscles and stretches shoulders dramatically, flexing muscles~
But allow me to intervene in what seems to be an unusually common problem in fan fiction today. Yah yah, I hear you snickering females, "hehe Spikey reads FF", yah well um NO! I do not partake in such drivel. However, I have peeked over Ivy's shoulder as she reads her favorites and gets all sparked up when one of her favorite stories gets a over-critical review, and i think at times it is just plain catty stuff. She has even hesitated over writing reviews on the stories she reads because she doesn't want to hurt an author's feelings, like EVER! Listen ladies; let me lean in towards the screen so you can hear me better.
~Leans forward, crossing his arms over his skin tight wife-beater (A shirt). ~
This stuff is called Fan Fiction for a reason. It's written by fans, for other fans to enjoy. So maybe one ought to look at the description and if you don't like what you read... Well lovelies, simply DON'T READ IT! Don't make my writer sad and forelorned and doubt her talent, because other readers actually do enjoy the stories, or she would have stopped a long time ago. Keep your reviews positive and constructive, because although my and other writers do love feedback, they do not need to be told how to write their story. You want a "happy fluffy bunny" Edward and Bella love story... then by all means FIND ONE! And if you want to read a story that is a mirror of Twilight, then i suggest you REREAD TWILIGHT! But what you should not do, to any writer, is read their stories and pick millions of holes in it. It is completely impolite! You can always write your own stuff, right? Exactly dearlings!
Now if I found any of you naughty ladies, I would punish you for such nastiness. I would bend you over a table, take out my riding crop, and show you a little "affection" with it and other apendages that I shall not overtly describe here today. You would beg for mercy; I have none. You think Edward had violent tendencies, my pretties, well I make that tiger look like a freaking kitten! I am a freaking demon in bed, ask Angel... ok don't ask her right now, she will probably look at you like you have three heads... but trust me i am a mascohistic machine in the sack! I would not be gentle nor romantic, but I would get my point across, savvy? ARGH! I hate that stupid word my sister always uses; why does she get that shit stuck in my head? But you get the point, I gather.Oh and even though you would learn your lesson, you would love every freaky, perverted minute of it, because you wouldn't read these types of stories if you didn't, lol!
And for the record, if you do not like myself or my "siblings", well sod off! We do not need your approval, only Madam Lane's, thank you very much! Now I am going to respectfully tell my writer to take a freaking chill pill and write her story for the people who really do, believe it or not, seem to enjoy it, instead of sulking like a little girl who dropped her ice cream cone.
So for anyone who is intriuged by Edward and Bella's current adventure in A Twisted Twilight Tale should be pleased to know I locked sweet Ivy in her room with her laptop, and demanded she stop her sulking and finish that chapter, as some people are pretty anxious to read it, from what i have gathered. So she can't come out until it is done!
~ Spike Beaumont-Voltaire
Allo lovers! I know our dear writer tries to keep you in the dark on her story plot (most of the time), but i wanted to let you in on a little secret.
Edward thinks he is so very slick, does he not? Promising me a tattoo that he does not think will ever stick? What darling Edward doesn't know is I have very special equipment, custom made just for his sexy vampire ass, so he WILL have a tattoo before I am done with him, lovelies. I can't tell you what it entails, as Miss Lane will do something horrible to me or my family. ~sniffle~ ... ~wink~
The question is, what should I mark his eternal body with, eh? And where should i put it? Give me some ideas, and maybe he'll get his before this Twisted Tale is finished. If not, well I will mark that SOB in Howling @ The Half Moon, savvy?
Howling @ will not be started until December at least, as my writer won't start it until her first "baby" is done, and she wants to do something special with it for someone for the holidays, so expect it to wrap up in about November...
Oh shit I don't think she wanted me to tell you that...
~Gotta Run
Ivy Beaumont-Voltaire
BPOV
How dare he? I thought as I paced my bedroom, rage filling my body as I checked the clock for the umpteenth time. Twenty minutes late. Of all days, he decides today he needs to stand me up? After following me around like a lapdog for weeks, reminding me time and time again that i was "his". After insisting that he escort me today. Professing he loved me above all things? What possible reason could he have to neglect to pick me up for my mother's art show premiere?
The knock on the door snapped me out of my reverie, and I rushed to the door, preparing mentally to give him hell. My plans evaporated as I realized it was not Edward knocking, but Mik, looking incredibly anxious. "Isabella," he blurted out, nodding his head in a bow, his brows furrowed in concentration. It always amazed me how polite and elequant The Cullens and their kin were; Mik was always beyond respectful. "I have to talk to you. Can i come in?"
"I don't have much time Mik, Edward should be here any minute. My mother is having an art show today in Seattle this afternoon, and i am afraid we are already late." I peeked out the door to see if his car was in fron of the house yet. No such luck.
"Yeah, well." he paused, stretching the musles in his neck before continuing. "about that. That is what i wanted to talk to you about. Edward. See... well..." he took a deep breath and squared his shoulders, releasing the breath in a whoosh. "Edward isn't coming." he glances at me expectantly, awaiting my reaction anxiously.
My mouth dropped open in shock. He wasn't coming? To one of my mother's shining moments? "What?" I asked dumbfounded, half dazed from the blow that simple sentence caused with me. "How.Could. He?"
"Listen Bella." he said, startling me. I was always Isabella to him, more respectful, he would always say. his using my nickname now grabbed my attention. He reached out to touch my shoulder, looking into me eyes with his flashing green ones. "there is something that... well... i need to tell you. About Edward. About us."
-----
Are we on the edge of our seats yet?
I wanted to update all my readers that i am on a temporary hiatus from A Twisted Twilight Tale, per a major problem I had yesterday after realizing that my 3000 word chapter, almost complete, had not saved properly. I was so angry, because I had competely rewritten it from the starting ch 26 i had on friday morning.
I can't even look at it right now. I am so disgusted. So i am using this time to work on my next story... Not posting it, just jotting down my notes. I am hoping that working on these will entice me back to ATTT.
However, since my readers do enjoy ATTT, i am posting a future sneak peek, just to confirm that i WILL FINISH IT!!! I just need a break, and once my new mini arrives next week, i will have one computer for my writing, instead of emailing it to 3 different machines, thus adding potential for lost work.
Plus i am setting the new machine to save my work every 5 minutes. I cannot risk doing this to myself again. Go ahead and say it, Edward...
Edward looks at me and shakes his head, "Ivy, You are a Bubblehead!"
Thank you, Captain Obvious. Anyway. Next post is my sneak peek for ATTT.
Allo to all you Twisted Twilight readers. Yep, it's me, Miss Ivy Voltaire herself, hacking into my writer's blog page to defend myself against any people who deem me hate-worthy. I fear her writing is making me look like quite the troublemaker. I assure you I am mostly innocent!
I am stuck between two extremes, life and death. Although my heart beats, I walk the lifestyle of a creature of the night, enjoying pain and violence to stimulate my overly sexual nature. I bleed, proving life. Yet I heal miraculously, like an immortal. Its really quite a bitch to be me. Now add one hot vegetarian vampire to my life. But Edward Cullen is gorgeous, elegant, well mannered and oozes seductiveness. Hot enough to make any girl, human or not, peel off their panties and throw them at him. The blood drinking thing, well that takes some getting used to. Blood smells nasty and looks unappetizing. Not for me! Any vampires I dated, well their breath smelt really really ... bloody. Turn off! So you answer the question you are all asking, No. No i am not trying to steal Edward away from his little human and no I am not going to use my gift to get him in any type of compromising position. I am mostly devoted to my sweet Mikhail, and will stay that way until he gives me a reason to dump his sorry ass! I do not like his friendship with little Bella; it may pose a definite problem.
But my reasoning for my by-play with Edward:
Firstly: Edward Cullen is one hot son of a bitch! Can you blame me for looking? Honestly, now can you? No i know you can't, because I bet you would whip him away from Bella too if you could.
Second: If you had a gift like mine and saw a perfect specimen such as he is would you not try to use it to your advantage at least once? Hmmmm??? So imagine how hard it is for me to keep myself in check.
Third: Why do i call him lover? Well... I don't think I need to explain myself there. I choose my pet names for my own reasons. And that is all I am going to say. You want to know more, then torture my writer (and my name stealer) about it. She is easy to break, I'll just sic Mikhail on her! She loves his sexy ass!
This piece cracked me up as i wrote it, so i am gonna share... hehehe
BPOV
~~~~~
My eyes sprung open as I realized there was something about my body I had never noticed before. I stared in shock at my abdomen, and the black symbol perched right above my mons near his hand.
Is…That…A… WHAT THE FUCK?!
“Edward…What in the fuck is THAT?!” I screeched, staring at what looked like a tattoo near my crotch. "Is that...a...tattoo?"
“Of course it is, love.” He replied innocently.
Son of a Bitch! What Happened Tonight?
~~~~~
He is soooo naughty.... Hopefully this is done today, my beta probably won't have it edited until tomorrow morning however. Hope you are still with me!