Twisted Twilight

Hello lovelies, It's Spencer here.


I have hajacked the blog today; because my poor writer is a bit distraught.


She is an overemotional creature, and takes all her readers' opinions extremely seriously. Almost too seriously if you ask me, but hell... Who the hell asks me? She asked you all who i should dabble with (not that I mind Angel; she is my sweet salvation, but i dissemble), instead of asking me! She gave Edward to Bella, because she felt from her reviews that it was what the readers wanted, even thought it was not her original intention (probably shouldn't have let that cat out of the bag... here kitty kitty, ha!). She is sweet, no? She tries to accomodate everyone, which puts a monkeywrench in her plot sometimes.


~Cracks neck muscles  and stretches shoulders dramatically, flexing muscles~


But allow me to intervene in what seems to be an unusually common problem in fan fiction today. Yah yah, I hear you snickering females, "hehe Spikey reads FF", yah well um NO! I do not partake in such drivel. However, I have peeked over Ivy's shoulder as she reads her favorites and gets all sparked up when one of her favorite stories gets a over-critical review, and i think at times it is just plain catty stuff. She has even hesitated over writing reviews on the stories she reads because she doesn't want to hurt an author's feelings, like EVER! Listen ladies; let me lean in towards the screen so you can hear me better.


~Leans forward, crossing his arms over his skin tight wife-beater (A shirt). ~


This stuff is called Fan Fiction for a reason. It's written by fans, for other fans to enjoy. So maybe one ought to look at the description and if you don't like what you read... Well lovelies, simply DON'T READ IT! Don't make my writer sad and forelorned and doubt her talent, because other readers actually do enjoy the stories, or  she would have stopped a long time ago. Keep your reviews positive and constructive, because although my and other writers do love feedback, they do not need to be told how to write their story. You want a "happy fluffy bunny" Edward and Bella love story... then by all means FIND ONE! And if you want to read a story that is a mirror of Twilight, then i suggest you REREAD TWILIGHT! But what you should not do, to any writer, is read their stories and pick millions of holes in it. It is completely impolite! You can always write your own stuff, right? Exactly dearlings!


Now if I found any of you naughty ladies, I would punish you for such nastiness. I would bend you over a table, take out my riding crop, and show you a little "affection" with it and other apendages that I shall not overtly describe here today. You would beg for mercy; I have none. You think Edward had violent tendencies, my pretties, well I make that tiger look like a freaking kitten! I am a freaking demon in bed, ask Angel... ok don't ask her right now, she will probably look at you like you have three heads... but trust me i am a mascohistic machine in the sack! I would not be gentle nor romantic, but I would get my point across, savvy? ARGH! I hate that stupid word my sister always uses; why does she get that shit stuck in my head? But you get the point, I gather.Oh and even though you would learn your lesson, you would love every freaky, perverted minute of it, because you wouldn't read these types of stories if you didn't, lol!


And for the record, if you do not like myself or my "siblings", well sod off! We do not need your approval, only Madam Lane's, thank you very much! Now I am going to respectfully tell my writer to take a freaking chill pill and write her story for the people who really do, believe it or not, seem to enjoy it, instead of sulking like a little girl who dropped her ice cream cone.


So for anyone who is intriuged by Edward and Bella's current adventure in A Twisted Twilight Tale should be pleased to know I locked sweet Ivy in her room with her laptop, and demanded she stop her sulking and finish that chapter, as some people are pretty anxious to read it, from what i have gathered. So she can't come out until it is done!


~ Spike Beaumont-Voltaire